Book Review - Tuesdays with Morrie

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” Henry Adams

I’d come face to face with Tuesdays with Morrie multiple times earlier. The encounters had always been awkward. After all, I couldn’t just say, “Hey, I’m sorry but you’re not my kind.” It was one such chance encounter while traveling that I met the book again. Ashamed, I decided to give it a go. A recommendation from my husband gave me courage to go on that first date with the book. Who knew I was in for such a surprise? I was hooked after reading just the first few pages.

Tuesdays with Morrie, written by Mitch Albom, revolves around a dying man’s learnings about life, death and everything in between. But I connected even more with how these reflections force his favourite student, Mitch, to stop and ponder over where his life is taking him.

The story begins at Brandeis University, where Mitch is a student, in the spring of 1979. Morrie, a professor at the University, teaches sociology, instead of the “real world skills” of accounting and finance. Morrie soon becomes Mitch’s mentor, pushing him to pursue his interests and develop a humane worldview. At his graduation, Mitch promises that he’ll keep in touch. But as most other student-teacher relationships, this one too, was pushed to the back of Mitch’s mind with the prime real estate being taken up by the usual suspects – need to make money, buy a house, own a car,get that promotion. It was only after a decade and a half that Mitch hears of Morrie again. It isn’t happy news – Morrie is dying of Lou Gehrig’s disease. It is then that Mitch reconnects with his old professor who begins teaching the final course of his life, a course on living, loving, and accepting yourself and others for who we really are.

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”

The book, itself only 192 pages long, is written from Mitch’s point of view, as he first learns of his professor’s disease and then speaks with him about life over multiple sessions. It is structured into short chapters around 14 Tuesdays that Morrie and Mitch spent together, each dealing with a specific theme. The themes range from family, emotions and the world to death and regrets. Though the book might feel preachy at times and doesn’t say much that most people don’t already know instinctively, I loved the lucid and clear expression, which will make you read a page again – just so that you can absorb the depth of what was said in a few lines. It delves into the most basic truths of our existence. Morrie made me stop and think about the life I am leading and the choices I am making. I could easily find more than a couple of changes to make.

There was one paragraph that knocked hard against my head and heart, and has stayed with me ever since:

“Mitch,” he said, “the culture doesn’t encourage you to think about such things until you’re about to die. We’re so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks—we’re involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don’t get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? Is this all I want? Is something missing?”

It beautifully sums up the endless loop we are in, where we anchor our happiness to external events. Morrie invites the reader to stop, stand still, think and break out of this rut.

For me, this book also has an army of unsung heroes – Morrie’s family – who stay by his side day and night, till the very end. Morrie couldn’t have told his story if his family and caregivers weren’t working away silently, tirelessly to help him make the most of his days. More than his words, it is these people who strongly reinforce the need to focus more on people than material things. In the end, it’s the people - living in the house you built, riding pillion on the bike you bought, laughing and dining with you in that expensive restaurant – people… that really matter.

And Morrie teaches us to slow down and appreciate them.

Newton's Laws- Part 2

Hard job= More Effort

This week we’ll be talking about Newton’s Second Law of Motion:

The acceleration of a body is directly proportional to, and in the same direction as, the net force acting on the body, and inversely proportional to its mass. Thus,

F = ma, where F is the net force acting on the object, m is the mass of the object and a - the acceleration of the object.

How does this law apply to our life? Ever wondered why, despite your best efforts, you don’t get any closer to your goal? Or why sometimes, you barely feel like you’ve moved a finger, and the work gets done? These little absurdities of life are explained through Newton’s Second Law.

It determines how fast/slow we can achieve our goal or how much effort we need to put in, to reach our destination. The equation is very simple:

                                                F=m*a

Where,

F is the effort required of us to taste success.

m is the size of our goal.

a is the speed at which we attain that goal.

For those of you familiar with basic proportion and variations, it is clearly seen that the effort required is directly proportional to the size of the goal.

Now that was easy? Wasn't it?

Take an example, say you have an exam tomorrow and you’re left with only one chapter to study… easy right? You can do it with a blink of the eye. Here, the size of goal (one chapter) is pretty small and so is the effort. On the other hand, say, you hadn’t even started preparing. Big mess!!! You’ll be fretting, sweating, getting anxious and tensed over it. If you want to have even the slightest hope of getting through the exam, you’ll need to burn the midnight oil (well… at least that night). Hence, if the task is big, so is the effort.

Big success needs great efforts… it demands diligence, hard work and never-ending patience. You miss out on any of them, you lose it all. Maybe this is why our parents always want us to imbibe these values… for they know their worth.

The problem arises when we put in inappropriate effort for our targets. Working extremely hard for trivial tasks or barely working for a life-defining opportunity… both amounts to waste. It leads to frustration, low self- confidence and ultimately a loss of capability. 

What can we do about it?

#1 Define your vision: You can work right only if you know exactly what you want. There is a phenomenal difference between saying “I’ll study today” and “I’ll finish the first two chapters of Mathematics today.” Being specific and clear about your goals can be the difference between success and failure..

#2 Keep your expectations low: Heard the saying “Rome was not built in a day”? Remember it. Do not expect miracles right at the commencement of any project/activity. Success is the most elusive of all things, which brings me to the next point…

#3 Be patient: Let things progress naturally… give your best but don’t get disheartened if the results are not as expected. Stay positive about failures- they’re just ways of how not to do a particular thing. Learn from them and keep your cool.

#4 Evaluate your current position: Where are you with respect to your goal… within an arm’s reach or miles off? Calculate the work you still need to do. Find out the effort needed and ask yourself… are you willing to do it?

Life, in short, is nothing but this equation between efforts and success. The more time you spend working for your goal, the closer you get to it. Your vision becomes a reality only when you forget sleep, food and other luxuries life has to offer. It is especially difficult in today’s distraction-friendly world… but then we do hear miracle stories… don’t we?

Happiness

Happiness- that mysterious state of being, which forever eludes most of us. We might think of it day in and day out, without results. We might attend wellness camps, laughter sessions and undergo therapy… all to no avail... because happiness is found at that one place where we never bother looking- in our own self.

We always seek happiness in the company of others, in the approval of others. We are over-joyed if someone praises us…ecstatic if someone appreciates us. But is this happiness eternal? No. It is blown to pieces the next time they don’t take notice. Honestly, since when did we become so dependent on others for our daily dose of happiness? If I am all alone in this world… can’t I be happy?

For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to think over what keeps me happy. Forgive my twenty year young mind for any mistakes, but this is what I found out:

1)   The first and foremost tenet of a happy life is being content with what I have. No way does it mean that I do not want more. Imagine saying no to buying more clothes when your mum is ready to loosen her purse strings! Stupid, I tell you! But yes, if she does say no, I’ll be happy with the things I did buy. Rather I show them off to everyone at home (that includes a mini fashion show for all my spoils).

2)   The second: Not comparing myself to others. Comparisons never brought anyone joy. Never ever. Trust me… I checked it in all the encyclopedias. It might make me smirk, but it never makes me smile. And smirking isn’t a really good gesture. When I can isolate my performance, my grades, my fortune from that of others and compare them only with my previous state…only then can I experience true joy.

3)   The third: Not carrying grudges. I know everyone loves to remember the compliments they receive. But somehow, we’re wired in a way to remember the rebukes and insults for a longer time. Maybe God did make a mistake in this particular neural circuit. Or maybe we made an error in understanding it.  Harboring negative feelings of revenge does more harm than good. We might be able to get back at the other person but in the process, we lose our calm. All the planning and plotting feeds on our energy, our happiness.

4)   The fourth: Doing things my way. No, this isn’t called being headstrong. It is called being… well… just being me. No doubt it is of immense importance to listen to all sides before taking a decision… but it is equally important to do what you love. When you do what you really want to, you work extra hard, this hard work gives better results… better results mean more satisfaction. Someone told me, satisfaction and happiness go hand in hand. There you are. Doing your own thing gives you happiness.

5)   The fifth (perhaps the most important): Establish control over your life by accepting that certain things cannot be changed. Contradictory as it might seem, to gain control of your own self you need to understand that certain things are beyond your control. Identify these things, make peace with them… then be they issues with family or friends, economic problems… whatever makes you pull your hair in frustration. Once you accept these bitter truths of life, you gain control over the things you can and should influence. I never feel nice doing something because someone else told me to. It makes me restless. It makes me irritable. But when I know the rationale behind something and do it of my own free will…there is precisely nothing I love more. If I control what I do, if I am my own master… I am happy.

All these points just indicate the importance of loving yourself. Mind you, it is not the same as being self-centered. You can be kind to others, speak well of others and have strong and healthy relationships only if you are happy inside.

 If you love the person you see in the mirror every morning… you’ll be happy. If you love the shape, size, color you have been endowed with… you’ll be happy. If you’re nodding your head in agreement… you’ll be happy. Voila! If you have a smile on your face… you are happy!!!  

P.S. Did anyone understand the meaning of the picture? If yes, I would love to hear your interpretation before I let you know mine :)

With a Thinking Hat...

Beware: This article essentially contains the random musings of the blogger.

Sitting on the steps separating my serene little balcony from the furious waters of the river of wonders created right at my doorstep by this blessed monsoon, I can think of nothing but the small surprises life sometimes gifts us. They come when you expect them the least, often teasing out a smile your lips weren’t aware of. At the time of writing, I have no specific reason to be so elaborate with my words. But I do have every reason to be happy.

When I see big, fat raindrops falling from the heavens above I am always reminded of what my hindi teacher at school, Mrs Minocha, used to say. She would say that no one, not even these drops of water, know their true destiny. If they fall into a snakes mouth, they become venom…but if they fall into a seep (a pearl’s shell), it is transformed into a magnificent pearl.

Life does something really beautiful. It takes our hand and leads us to our ultimate destination. All the while, it lets us pretend that we are making our own path; that we are our own masters. But along the way it gives us presents, relief, joy just when we are about to wear out. What else do you call the silent beauty of the moon when you look at it after a long day’s work? Does it not transport you to a different world, away from the drudgery of everyday life?

To me that moment every morning when I open my eyes is perhaps the most magical. Each night before I yield to my dreams, I make plans for my future, both immediate and distant. I’m certain all of you do that. We sleep with hope (rather the assumption) that we are definitely going to wake up when the sun rises next. What happens if we don’t? Our first breath at dawn is perhaps the best gift nature gives us every day, day after day, for years on end. And yet it is appreciated only by few nutcases like me with empty heads bent on thinking what I think.

Close your eyes for a minute. Please do…I am really serious. Are you still reading this? No? Good… It is really difficult right? Foregoing your optical powers for even a few minutes? Life becomes colorless, literally. Isn’t that another great gift of Mother Nature? Isn’t it another wonderful achievement? We can do this with each part of your body. So if your machinery has all its parts in place, we should send a note of thanks to Him right away.

It is infinitely simple to crib about your life, curse God for messing it up and not giving it the attention it deserves. But it is really difficult to appreciate the little things which He did give us, which not only make our life bearable, but also make it enjoyable. Without these our lives would perhaps be the most unhappening affair in town…living a full life would have been a boring and tiring occupation…

Today, in front of you, I resolve to live a full life…a happy life…a content life…and to forever abstain from a life which might be, in any form, approaching a terrible replacement, with the breath of fresh air blown out.

I hope you will too

The Journey

Sitting on the steps leading up to my balcony, I can’t help but be amazed at the world rushing by. Everyone seems to be in a great hurry to get somewhere while I feel like a task-less lunatic listening to the endless chatter of birds. But what is the great hurry? Alas! I can never understand.

I do not advocate a laid-back attitude towards life but what is the point of running through it? Take any sphere of our life and all of us inadvertently follow these steps:

Step 1: Set a goal.

Step 2: Achieve it.

Shouldn’t there be a step in-between, say step number 1.5, which says: Enjoy the journey? Our life today has become so mechanical that we fail to recognize it. Pick any example and I will show you the lack of imagination in their life. Take a student. What does he do? Most of them aim to get great marks and well, that is the end of it. They do not care if they learn anything along the way. They do not think twice about the methods they employ to achieve their target (which include all sorts of ‘illegal and unfair means’). Where is the fun element of studying?

Another example: let us suppose that you are driving to any random place. How many of you actually notice things going on around you? Obviously your eyes should be on the road but how many of you have ever stopped to admire the setting sun? Or enjoyed the delightful drops of rain when you’re stuck in a never-ending traffic jam? Very few, I’m sure of that.

And what does this attitude give us?

1)   Stress

2)   Tension

3)   Short temper

We are almost never satisfied. We always have a reason to complain, a reason to make life a living hell both, for ourselves and those around us. We never achieve inner peace (anyone reminded of Kung Fu Panda 2?). We never truly understand life.

As someone who has always worked hard to get good grades, I sometimes wonder if I could’ve used those hours in a better manner. Had I diverted even two percent of that energy into things I really liked, would life be more enjoyable? Maybe or maybe not. Who knows?

But now that I have totally changed my view towards life, I feel like a way better person. I always have a smile on my face. I think that is what you call inner peace. It makes the world seem like a happier place. If you embrace life with open arms and not just treat it as a task, meant to be successfully completed, it takes you into its depths. It shows you sights which stay with you forever, springing to life when you least expect them to, and making you smile a smile of contentment.

I learnt that Life is not just about the destination. The journey is more important. It is about the little joys, not about miracles which never happen. It doesn’t really matter if you achieve your goal in a matter of seconds or an entire lifetime. It doesn’t matter if you have aimed big or small. It doesn’t matter what people think of you. All that matters is the quality of lessons you learnt along the way, the value addition to your character and the joy you derived from it. Live your life, you’ve got just one shot at it!

Black or White

Picture Credit- http://amitsphotography.blogspot.com

Imagine: Sitting before the doctor, your fingers crossed, desperately hoping he wouldn’t confirm what you fear the most. And yet he uttered the very words you were scared of: That you suffered from the black and white disorder. Ever heard of it? It is a fairly uncommon disorder of the brain, which makes life easier for the patient but a lot more difficult for those around him. It attacks the brain cells and the incubation period can be anywhere between a few days to years. Often it results in a complete loss of social life with most (if not all) relatives and friends turning their backs to you. Life becomes an empty swing...with no joyous faces with wide grins...

I remember the time when the world was still free of this disease. Everyday used to be a struggle, a struggle to please everyone around us. We were friends with people we hardly cared for, used to compliment people on things we hated the most. If need be we could give our sweetest smile to our dearest enemies. All in all, it was a phase of our life when we wanted to be on good terms with everyone, those who mattered as well as those who didn’t. Well, all that has changed now.

The unique disorder we suffer from has transformed us into more direct, practical and rather blunt individuals. If we don’t like someone’s dress, we will tell them so in as many words. If we do not like something about a particular person, we will inform them at the earliest opportunity. If we do not think you trustworthy enough, we wouldn’t entrust you with any sort of information or responsibilities. Do not take us to be rude, proud and conceited individuals because we are none of that. We are just people who label everything as either right or wrong, black or white. I know sometimes we are too harsh on those around us, even ourselves, but then we are not in love with grey anymore. Confusions don’t find a place in our life. Trust me it saves a lot of our time, effort and energy.

Our forefathers have always emphasized on the need to take quick decisions. Well, you can’t do that if you are confused…right? All in all, this disease has made our life rather simple. We are no longer burdened by the evils of proper social conduct. Again, that does not mean we are social misfits. Just that we are not a two-faced individual anymore. And it doesn’t take a genious to guess what I am hinting at if I say that this is a fairly ‘uncommon’ disease.

Try it out for yourselves, this little taste of black and white. I’m sure you’ll be hooked on to it. And this world of ours will probably be a way better place if we have a black and white epidemic. At least we wouldn’t have to waste our time worrying about what goes on behind our backs…

I’ll make sure to tell you more about the pros and cons of this unique syndrome in a later post. I would also like to hear your take on it before I do that…

Go on…spread the black and white syndrome…

The End of Love

The End of Love...

I could be referring to numerous relationships here...that of a child with his parents, that of a brother and sister, that between life partners (girlfriends and boyfriends is more relevant here)..

It is the last one I have been thinking about lately

Have you ever seen those lovey-dovey couples, holding hands, sitting in parks? I'm sure most of you have...What plagues me is that what happens when these people marry each other...or reach a stage in their relationship where they don't need to call each other every hour in order to feel loved?

Where does the magic go? 

• Earlier they used to be the world to each other and look at them now. Each moment alone, without their significant other, seems like a blessing in disguise. They used to be running after their companion but now? Seems more like they are in a race...who runs faster..away from the other...
• The very boyfriends, who used to find their girl's nagging cute, call it irritating, stupid, irrational. Over-possessiveness is another favourite term. Her little tantrums transform her into a drama queen.
• Initially they couldn't let her go...well, times have changed. They can't wait to let her go...

And these are just a few scenarios...What brings on these changes? After 8 days of brainstorming, I still have no answer.

It seems superbly abnormal. Is it because we always find the chase more exciting? Or because the relationship loses its shine once it becomes a habit? Why doesn't it happen with other habits, good or bad, then?

Just think about it. If someone tells you that falling for you was stupidity...well, who is the stupid one then? Definitely not you...

If all they wanted was a person very different from you, why did they like you in the first place? You obviously didn't subject them to third degree to make them accept you.

For those married to their work, you didn't really need another person in your life. Your files, meetings, phone calls would suffice.

If any of you reading this know why this happens, then please enlighten me as well. I would be rather obliged if you put my mind at ease. Help make us a little wiser so that a few fortunate ones can be saved from this terrible disease...

The Golden Cage

He sits all day, looking at our world

Neither willing nor eager to join in

He is lost in his own thoughts

Nobody knows wondering about what...

Maybe he thinks of luxury and comfort

Maybe of the life he is forced to live

Or simply of the joys he is blessed with

The silent happiness of being free...

No matter the pity we feel for him

His ragged clothes, the broken teeth

But his appearance is just outwardly

For inside he is the richest man...

Though his home is a bench, a paved path

He lives under the sun until it departs

But Then he turns over and embraces sleep

With no burden of promises he has to keep...

While we live in plush homes

Apparently unaware of the worries of food

Sure of waking up the next morning

Only because we cannot sleep...

Which of these fates is better?

I cannot decide

To die each day in a golden cage

Or to die once on the stones, be free...

Craving...

I wrote this poem way back in grade 9...Though I found some of the lines amusing now but nonetheless, I posted them just as they were...:)

CRAVING

Craving for many is a way of life
Some men crave for a beautiful wife
They crave for money and joys around
They crave for pleasures they haven't found...

But the girl there craves for a friend
A soul who will be with her till the end
A person who would guide her through night and day
Who would lead her to the warmth of May...

The aged woman craves for a son
Who she can love every moment, a ton
Who would just listen to her talk
To her deathbed, help her walk...

And there is the boy who craves for a sister
Who would painlessly treat every blister
Who would be his life's best feature
And sometimes reprimand him as his teacher...


My friends!There is so much to life than just earning gold
Sometimes in life, you have to be bold
Yet craving for many is a way of life
Some men crave for a beautiful wife...

More than anything else...

More than anything else
I want to thank you
For all you have done for us
Thanks for every morning
When you helped us catch the school bus...

More than anything else
I want to bring you
Joy and contentment
And loads and loads of love...

More than anything else
I want you to understand
That we have realized your worth
I want to make you feel special
Just to thank you for giving me birth...

More than anything else
I want to thank you
That you made me realize all my faults
Just realizing them was not enough
To correct them, I couldn't find a better person than you...

More than anything else
I want to thank you for making me realize the gifts
Nature endowed me with
Thanks for helping me all the time
Thanks for teaching me how to control my flailing fists...

More than anything else
I want to thank you for taking care of me through endless nights
Thanks for guiding me 
Through all my fights...

More than anything else
I want you to remember that I would always
Be on your side
I would never desert you
No matter how low the tide...

Sans Words, Sans Thoughts...

Sitting here, sans words, sans thoughts
I stare into empty space
Knowing not what to think
I make senseless patterns in the air...

The world has no meaning
My very existence questioned
Or is it just an unsolved puzzle?
A code not deciphered?

You say an apple falls
I think the tree just lets go
You say that flowers blossom
I think they wake from deep slumber...

This world is full of contradictions
Between you and me
I think its there, what you think is not
I see what you choose not to see...

My patterns are not senseless
Nor am I staring into a void
Because you don't have the key to my world
You take it to be empty, devoid...

Life with a capital 'L'

Just this morning I was reading an article about the increasing rate of suicides among IIT ians. It made me realize that there can be no better start to this blog than talking about Life. Yes, Life with a capital ‘L’. It is our most important possession yet perhaps, the least valued one. Is it because it is so common? You are alive, so am I and so are millions of others…

We often begin to value things only when we lose them. I know..you might shrug your shoulders and say, “not the old crap again!” But if we really recognized the depth of this statement, there would have been no need for me to say it.

So here are some of the reasons why I love to live my life through each and every day:

·         I can see, hear, feel all the God-given gifts around me. When it comes to food, I face no problems in taking in the delicious aroma or the taste.

·         Unlike many of my counterparts, I have parents who are always there for me and love me from the bottom of their hearts.

·         I can read and write. I am more fortunate than a major population of this world.

·         Like you, I have running water, electricity and a mass of other amenities at home. Trust me. These are not common. Ask those who don’t have them.

·         I have friends I can trust with my life. In fact one of them suggested the name for this blog.

·         I get to visit the local subziwala…even filmstars cannot do that!

·         I can carry my dad’s bags to his car each morning, when he goes to office.

·         I can go out to water my plants everyday.

·         I woke up today.

The list is endless, ranging from the sane to the insanely mundane. It is for you to discover what makes your life worth living. List them out like I did. Remember, often it is not enough to just be alive. It is important to live lively! Happy Living!