Growing Wise, Not Old

 “How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”

                                                                                -Satchel Paige

I came across this rather eccentric but deep quote on one of my infinite wanderings on the web. It set me thinking. With my own birthday just around the corner, I couldn’t help but ponder over it. My best guess: Twenty-one in the brain, but maybe only twelve at heart…

With each year, we’re technically supposed to grow older. But is older wiser? What exactly is ‘older’? Is it old as in grey hair? Or is it just another revolution around the earth? My questions are endless. So here is a brief summary of what I learnt in the past year. It might not be much but if it has stuck in my mind, it is important. And, it might brand me 'wiser'.

If you can do anything about something, do it. Else, do not fret over it.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re all alone.

Focus on now, by far the single most important moment.

Laugh openly, it helps break barriers.

Listen. Listen some more.

Stay Young at heart.

I told you, it isn’t much! But the fifty-one weeks since by last birthday have taught me this… not at all bad for a zero-effort venture.

I’m sure you’ve read these words a million times over… you could probably recite them in your sleep. But I’ve realized they are omnipresent only because they really are true, every single word of them.

It doesn’t matter how young or old you are. It is just a matter of perspective. Years ago I saw a 79 year-young uncle, dressed in purple from head-to-toe. People like him defy the concept of getting old. They truly embody the ‘age-is-just-a-number’ philosophy. With each passing year they grow wise, not old.

And that is something all of us should strive for: Growing Wise.

P.S. Don’t ask me how ‘old’ I’m turning…ask me how ‘young’… You’ll get a chocolate J

Compliments... Phew!

Compliment: A polite expression of praise or admiration. This is how the dictionary defines it. In my opinion, a compliment is infinitely more meaningful than what this string of words suggests.

Compliments, if sincere, leave you with the fuzzy warmth of feeling good about yourself. Not only do they boost your self-esteem, they build your confidence. And no matter how many times I say that our happiness should be independent of others… the fact remains that compliments are directly proportional to our happiness quotient; the more we get, the merrier we are.

But if everyone just loves receiving them… who gives them? I see no volunteers. This reluctance to compliment others stems from a plethora of reasons. Some people feel that expressing their true feelings leaves them vulnerable. To some extent, I agree. After all, if I am complimenting you, I am letting you peek inside my tiny little heart. Mind you, that involves great risk. It might backfire (as has been happening with me lately). Trust me it isn’t nice when you spend time choosing your words (they have to be perfect… neither too flowery, nor too simple) and the other person interprets them wrong. Instead of the smile you’d hoped to spread across their face, they scrunch it up in a frown. You end up trying to prove the credibility of your compliment which is next to impossible (feelings don’t have documentation).

So here I am trying to understand How to Give a Good Compliment.

Oops!!!

1) Mean what you say: I cannot stress the importance of this. Compliments aren’t bought at the road-side stand. They’re precious gifts meant to be given to the right people for the right reasons. If I have compliments on the tip of my tongue, they’ll lose their worth. Contrary to strengthening my relationships with people, they might strain them.

2) Be Specific: Specificity is of utmost importance. For example, “I love the way you look in this dress” is often better than “You’re looking good.” It shows that I noticed the other person enough to realize that he/she has dressed up differently today. It might be a simple change in the way they do up their hair… or the way they wear their scarf. But if you have noticed something good about them… don’t lose it in a stream of non-specific words.

3) Back up the compliment: This is almost equivalent to attaching your identity proof with your college application form. Give weight to your compliment. Prove your honesty. For example, “I love the way you look in this dress. It suits your personality.” This definitely validates your compliment. Personally I think I am lacking in this area.

4) Ask a question: This is a trick question while complimenting girls. In the context of the current example, some girls might be flattered when asked about their wardrobe destinations, while others may make a face. I can just provide an example use it at your own risk! “I love the way you look in this dress. It suits your personality. Where did you get it?”

Though the path to complimenting others is fraught with danger, it is still worth the risk. It triggers a cycle of making others feel good and feeling good about myself. Somehow, people who compliment others attract compliments to themselves. The more you give, the more you get. And once you train your heart to honestly say good things about people, you learn to realize and appreciate the goodness in your own self too. This is where the mind connects with the soul. This is true bliss.

Merry Complimenting!   

P.S. Do not be put down by a few negative reactions to your compliments. You might have to put up with a few fights too. Persevere in your efforts… everything is bound to turn out well!!!

Thank you!!!

Birthdays…Birthdays…Birthdays…

The very word drips joy, happiness and merry- making. But on my birthday yesterday, I didn’t get just a few drops of this elixir. I got a bone-drenching shower…

The moment the clock chimed midnight, birthday wishes started flowing in… I wasn’t technically twenty yet (I breathed my first with the rising sun), but nonetheless… my day had begun! I’d been waiting for so long…

After smiling on the phone like a fool (yes, I was grinning all the time) for close to an hour, I finally slept… I was dancing even in my dreams… the next morning, as always on birthday mornings, my parents woke me up wearing their ‘We have a surprise for you’ smile.  Remember my visit to the phool mandi? My parents had made a similar trip… just that they seemed to have brought home the entire market… I was overjoyed.

Later during the day, I went out for what was to be the most memorable lunch of the two decades I’ve spent on Earth. I’ll skip on the details…it’ll take forever. But looking at all the happy faces around, I realized how lucky I am to have people who love me with all their heart. Selfless love at that… only thing they expect in return is my smile… a silent acknowledgement of their efforts, the pains they took to make the day so special for me.

When you realize the fragility of your being, it hits you hard…like death…there is a certain finality to it… but you take an infinitely longer time to realize your strength. It doesn’t hit you like a cyclone… you soak it up slowly like the winter sunshine. It isn’t abrupt… it is in harmony with everything around you… and true friendship is one of your biggest strengths. I stumbled on this truth yesterday. Sitting there with my gang, digging into the pizzas, I loved life more than ever.  

Simply put, I was overwhelmed. And more than anything, this post is to celebrate the bond we share… to celebrate my friends… So here is a toast to you… my dearest dearies… Thank you for making me feel so loved… like I am a princess…

Thank you for the Choco -cake facial… it really made my skin glow…

Thank you for your thoughtful gifts… I’m still looking at each one of them…

And above all…Thank you for being the people you are… without you, my smiles wouldn’t have been happy enough…

And yes… Happy Birthday to me!!!

With a Thinking Hat...

Beware: This article essentially contains the random musings of the blogger.

Sitting on the steps separating my serene little balcony from the furious waters of the river of wonders created right at my doorstep by this blessed monsoon, I can think of nothing but the small surprises life sometimes gifts us. They come when you expect them the least, often teasing out a smile your lips weren’t aware of. At the time of writing, I have no specific reason to be so elaborate with my words. But I do have every reason to be happy.

When I see big, fat raindrops falling from the heavens above I am always reminded of what my hindi teacher at school, Mrs Minocha, used to say. She would say that no one, not even these drops of water, know their true destiny. If they fall into a snakes mouth, they become venom…but if they fall into a seep (a pearl’s shell), it is transformed into a magnificent pearl.

Life does something really beautiful. It takes our hand and leads us to our ultimate destination. All the while, it lets us pretend that we are making our own path; that we are our own masters. But along the way it gives us presents, relief, joy just when we are about to wear out. What else do you call the silent beauty of the moon when you look at it after a long day’s work? Does it not transport you to a different world, away from the drudgery of everyday life?

To me that moment every morning when I open my eyes is perhaps the most magical. Each night before I yield to my dreams, I make plans for my future, both immediate and distant. I’m certain all of you do that. We sleep with hope (rather the assumption) that we are definitely going to wake up when the sun rises next. What happens if we don’t? Our first breath at dawn is perhaps the best gift nature gives us every day, day after day, for years on end. And yet it is appreciated only by few nutcases like me with empty heads bent on thinking what I think.

Close your eyes for a minute. Please do…I am really serious. Are you still reading this? No? Good… It is really difficult right? Foregoing your optical powers for even a few minutes? Life becomes colorless, literally. Isn’t that another great gift of Mother Nature? Isn’t it another wonderful achievement? We can do this with each part of your body. So if your machinery has all its parts in place, we should send a note of thanks to Him right away.

It is infinitely simple to crib about your life, curse God for messing it up and not giving it the attention it deserves. But it is really difficult to appreciate the little things which He did give us, which not only make our life bearable, but also make it enjoyable. Without these our lives would perhaps be the most unhappening affair in town…living a full life would have been a boring and tiring occupation…

Today, in front of you, I resolve to live a full life…a happy life…a content life…and to forever abstain from a life which might be, in any form, approaching a terrible replacement, with the breath of fresh air blown out.

I hope you will too