A-Shamed Indian

Forty minutes…forty minutes is all that it took to absolutely crush a young girl’s dreams and aspirations, forty minutes to violate her so mercilessly that five days on, she continues to battle for her life. Forty minutes that brutally rubbed out and rewrote her fate because the Gods on earth had decided otherwise. 

The Delhi gang rape case has created a stir in the public like none other. Spontaneous protests, candle light vigils, protest marches, tear gas, water cannons, lathi charge- in the past five days, the city has seen it all. The protestors, young students, have braved it all. And what are they demanding? Not reservations, not jobs, not money… they just want justice for the 23 year old victim. Despite all their efforts the question remains unanswered, how will the six ruthless men be punished? Will they be sent to the death row? Will they spend the rest of their lives enjoying meals on the State’s expense? Or will they, like most other cases, be left free to plunder our girls?

The girl on the other hand faces an undeniably bleak future. In a series of surgeries, the doctors removed her gangrenous intestines. Her WBC count has fallen to 1500 which makes her more prone to infections. The normal WBC count is 4,000 to 11,000 cells per cubic millimeter and such low counts are often an early indicator of sepsis. Sepsis is a potentially deadly medical condition characterized by a whole-body inflammatory state caused by severe infection. The next 4 days are extremely critical for her survival.

Even if she does come back from the clutches of death…she has a not-so-normal life waiting for her. Till now she has responded very bravely, asking if her violators have been caught… but once the reality dawns on her… her optimism might waiver. I have not seen much in my life, but from what I have, she will be alone that juncture. Each day will become an unending series of misery and set-backs for her. Rare are the women who can take so much and still laugh. I pray she is one of them.

The outburst of the public anger has really stunned me. And the home minister’s statement left me asking for more. Isn’t it the most general, most standard statement the government makes? Did it contain even a shred of solid action being taken? The secretary who wrote it obviously had no authority to make radical public announcements. It was what we hear every time the people take to the roads. The same old promises.

My question: Who can take the necessary action? The people have no leader, the opposition is mum and those in power are just making appeals to the people to go home. For that matter why focus on just this case? The same day, other girls were also raped in the city. And many more probably were in the country. Is rape, without this kind of torture associated, not a heinous crime? Is it okay for a single man to rape a woman if he doesn’t push up an iron rod inside her? Is it okay if he doesn’t pull-off her finger nails? NO.

Living in the capital city of India, I have come to consider vulgar comments by men as just part of my life. Rude stares are just normal. Having to deal with uncles in DTC buses, who insist on rubbing every part of their body on ours’ is fairly usual. But Rape is something which cannot and should not be passed off as something less than an assault on the victim’s psyche. It is one of those crimes which leave the victim maimed for life- emotionally and physically. It is not a gun-shot wound which heals with time. It is a pain so intense, an emotion so stabbing that it kills the girl over and over again, a million times.

In the past five days, I have devised punishments which I think will serve these men right. But they are too drastic to be spoken of in a democracy, too cruel for the government to handle and of course, not legalized by the Constitution. It seems to me that the only act legal is Rape.   

P.S. Maybe we should really gift our defenders, protectors and politicians, bangles for Christmas. At least their soft music will shame them day and night, because I am honestly ashamed of being Indian. Just ASHAMED.

To you, Dear Rapist

On her way back home

You took her by surprise

Your eyes betrayed

The demon lurking inside.

She begged, she pleaded with you

To let her go

Struggling in your iron arms

Only deaf ears heard her

You were strong, mad with lust

She went down fighting.

You robbed her of her honour, her pride

You violated her, her life

She's haunted by the pain, the grief

The black terror she'd felt within

She wished you death that time.

Years after you shattered her life

She's still collecting the shards

Trying to put it back, one piece at a time

Fretting over the lost parts.

The parts which made her smile

The parts she loved

The parts which defined her

Are still lost, hard to find.

She will never forgive you, neither will He

You had no right to rape her

Yes, that is what you did that fateful day

As you lived out your pervert fantasies.

She knows not if you're still the beast

Or if you've changed for good

But this is what she wants to say:

Please don't do it again

Hope someday you'll feel the guilt in your cold heart

That flame will make your life a living hell

Spread it far, Spread it wide if you want to escape

Turn it into a fire, burn your sin, your desire.

For the sake of the life you ruined

Don't let another flower wilt this way

If your heart beats a human beat

We appeal to you.

Don't let Men pluck these flowers away

Protect them, save them from harm

So that none of my sisters writes to you again.

Rape Laws: Blind or Biased?

The Bandit Queen: Phoolan Devi was exposed from an early age to the lust and brutality of some men. She was married to a man her father’s age. Not only did he beat her up, he raped her repeatedly. Later she was accused of luring young upper caste boys and thrown out of the village. She suffered through countless heinous crimes committed against her by dacoits and Thakurs alike. Unable to fight back, she was arrested by the police and subjected to further humiliation. She was stripped naked and paraded in front of the entire village. Do I need to say anything more to expose the apathy of our society? It existed then and it exists now. And this is just one of the cases…it will take all my life to talk about the rest of them.

Why is it that we as a society are so insensitive to a rape victim? Why are they treated as if they are the criminals and not the victims? Why are the laws biased against them? Don’t believe me? Read on.

To quote from the Indian Penal Code:

 As per Section 375 of IPC a man is said to commit the offence of rape with a woman under the following six circumstances: 

1.       Sexual intercourse against the victims will, 

2.       Without the victims consent, 

3.       With her consent, when her consent has been obtained by putting her or any person that she may be interested in fear of death or hurt, 

4.       With her consent, when the man knows that he is not her husband, 

5.       With her consent, when at the time of giving such consent she was intoxicated, or is suffering from unsoundness of mind and does not understand the nature and consequences of that to which she gives consent, 

6.       With or without her consent when she is under sixteen years of age. 

All in all, the onus of proving the charge lies solely on the victim.

Take point 1. Technically, only penal penetration amounts to rape. What do you call it if a woman is forced to perform oral sex? Or if she is penetrated by other objects, say digits? Is that something less than rape? If not, then why is only sexual intercourse taken into account?

Point 2: How is the victim ever supposed to prove that she did not consent to it? There can be no legal papers documenting that. In cases of rape, often there are no eye witnesses to testify. It is not the movies, where the lead manages to find a video of the entire event. Rape doesn’t happen under CCTV surveillance.

A similar argument can be put forth for the rest of the arguments. How is she supposed to prove it after all? 

Point 6, however, really caught my eye.  Technically a minor girl’s consent for sex is not valid. It is thought that they cannot and do not recognize the gravity of the act. When a girl turns major at eighteen…how does her consent at sixteen come into the question? Loopholes…

A similar problem arises in cases under marital rape. Officially, a man cannot rape his wife if she is above sixteen years of age. How can you have a wife with that age in the first place? Isn’t that a crime in itself? Girls in India can marry only after they turn eighteen. Moreover, is there any sane reason behind why a man cannot rape his wife? I do not think that marrying her automatically gives him a right over her. Is she a commodity he bought in the market? I do not think the Constitution allows that.  Does getting married shifts the ownership of my own body?

Marital rapes are not the only problem. Child and Custodial rape also occur frequently. Both are equally difficult to solve. In one the victim is often too scared to come forth, in the other, she has no proof. For custodial rape I have just one question. Will a woman not ‘consent’ to sex if you beat her up and put a gun to her head? If you torture her to the extent that she cannot differentiate between dream and reality?

 It is a well-known fact that the determination of rape becomes difficult with each passing day. After the first 24 hours, it is almost impossible. For those brave enough to file a complaint within this time, a medical test is conducted. The doctor examines the victim under various heads: Condition of her clothes, external injuries, nail clippings, bruises, taking blood samples. And then they conduct the ‘Two Finger Test’ (In India). Yes, it is as horrible as it sounds. A doctor pushes in two fingers to try and determine the state of her hymen, whether it is ruptured or not. He/she also tries to determine if the ‘victim’ has had prior sexual experiences. If the vagina is found to be ‘roomy’, she is accused of having an active sex life. This report then becomes the primary source of her decline.

The lawyers shove it in the face of the judge. If the victim is not married and is classified as roomy, she is declared to be of loose character. The entire proceeding turns into an attempt of character assassination.  If she is not married and ‘tight’, definitely a crime has been committed. But how do a woman’s past sexual experiences come into play here? If she has had it once, doesn’t mean she is an open booth, to be used by anyone. She might do it with ten different men of her own free will but no man should ever have the right to make her do it by force.

Moreover, the two finger test is an altogether unnecessary and avoidable test. It proves next to nothing and adds to the trauma of the victim. Is it not like going through it all over again? If done without permission, it is in fact a form of sexual assault. Why do we follow such primitive methods when most of the developed countries have done away with it? What is more…even our government has issued notices banning this test. But it is still the primary test on which the entire investigation report is based. And all it needs to get these reports altered is a little money and muscle power.

Why does our attitude change towards a rape victim? Do we ever accuse the victim of murder of asking for it? Then why do we think that a rape victim might have done so? How is she different? Why is she made to stand in courtrooms and raped over and over again by the system? Why does she have to relive each painful moment a million times? Was once not enough for this pervert system?

It is often said that the law is blind. For rape victims, it certainly is; blind to their suffering, their pain and biased against them. Probably a better title would've been 'Rape Laws: Blind AND Biased'. Right?

We really need a faster process which ensures justice to the wronged. Along the way, we need to sensitize all those involved; the doctors, the policemen, judges, lawyers…

The 172nd Law Commission report had made the following recommendations for substantial change in the law with regard to rape.

1. ‘Rape’ should be replaced by the term ‘sexual assault’.
2. ‘Sexual intercourse as contained in section 375 of IPC should include all forms of penetration such as penile/vaginal, penile/oral, finger/vaginal, finger/anal and object/vaginal.
3. In the light of Sakshi v. Union of India and Others [2004 (5) SCC 518], ‘sexual assault on any part of the body should be construed as rape.
4. Rape laws should be made gender neutral as custodial rape of young boys has been neglected by law.
5. A new offence, namely section 376E with the title ‘unlawful sexual conduct’ should be created.
6. Section 509 of the IPC was also sought to be amended, providing higher punishment where the offence set out in the said section is committed with sexual intent.
7. Marital rape: explanation (2) of section 375 of IPC should be deleted. Forced sexual intercourse by a husband with his wife should be treated equally as an offence just as any physical violence by a husband against the wife is treated as an offence. On the same reasoning, section 376 A was to be deleted.
8. Under the Indian Evidence Act (IEA), when alleged that a victim consented to the sexual act and it is denied, the court shall presume it to be so.

Each of the above points stands valid. I couldn’t have agreed more. It is time we changed our attitude towards rape victims. They need a shoulder to cry on, a hand to wipe their tears and a friend to support them as they wage a war against their offenders. They do not need to prove anything about their character, it is us, as a society, who needs a character certificate. Are we up for it?

Life: Post Rape

“I'd still thought that everything I thought about that night-the shame, the fear-would fade in time. But that hadn't happened. Instead, the things that I remembered, these little details, seemed to grow stronger, to the point where I could feel their weight in my chest. Nothing, however stuck with me more than the memory of stepping into that dark room and what I found there, and how the light then took that nightmare and made it real.” 
― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

Haunting memories…that is what the rape victims are left with. Memories which refuse to fade, wounds which refuse to heal and a broken heart which refuses to mend. Contrary to popular expectation, this post is not primarily about the causes of rape. It is that aspect of the crime which has been the focus of the media, courts and general public for years. What was the motive? Did she provoke him in any way? Whose fault was it? Just think…can a woman ever ask to be raped? If she asks for it, will it not just be consensual sex?

Different people have differing opinions there. To quote a male friend talking about rape:

“I think it is the most horrendous crime that can be committed. It is more brutal and torturous than murder. I don’t know how a girl feels when she is being raped, what happens to her belief in good things, trust, God, people, guys. Although there cannot be a legitimate reason for rape but the girl always needs to be careful.”

She needs to be careful while she is out clubbing with friends or decides to go to an isolated place with a man, known or unknown to her. True. I couldn’t agree more. Yet, when I ask my female friends for their views they talk of equal rights, responsibility of the police, rotten mindset…

This is a long-drawn debate. Both the sexes have strong and stubborn views. None will budge. But are the girls’ demands seriously unreasonable? Can we never have a city where girls can move about without fear of being violated? It is for you to decide.

The aspect which I really want to discuss here is the post-rape scenario i.e. the victim’s re-integration into the society.

It seems that the world unanimously condemns all the victims. The stigma and shame associated with rape seems universal. It breaks all barriers. World over, women refuse to speak up about it. They do not share their ordeal with others. They fear the society’s reaction. It is almost as if they have done the crime. Day and night they live in perpetual fear. Rare is the woman who speaks out. Rarer is the case where justice is administered.  What makes it so difficult for the women to open up?

Secondary Victimization: In a country like India, they keep mum thinking “log kya kahenge?”(what will the people say?). Society puts such pressure on these women. If the rapist did it once, the system does it over and over again. Her humiliation starts right form the time she goes to file a complaint. The word spreads like wildfire. In some cases people look at her with pitiful eyes while in others she is looked upon as something dirty, something impure. Yes, I used ‘something’ consciously. After all, that is what a woman is treated as. Can we not understand that she needs neither our pity, nor those looks? She needs our support so that she can fight the long and hard battle to win back her honour. She needs a system which functions efficiently, which doesn’t require her to testify against her violator publically, which doesn’t make her relive the ordeal in courtrooms (i.e. if she makes it there).

But she gets no help. She breathes but doesn’t live her life. It loses its charm.

Fear: This is another major reason. Though related to the first, it is of a different nature. It is the fear of being harmed again if she opens her mouth. She has no doubts that if she can be victimized once, it can be repeated. She lives in a constant state of fear. She broods so much that the details become even clearer in her mind. Thus, amplifying her self-hate, shame and fear. How can such a woman ever embrace the society again?

Trust: She does not and cannot trust anyone, anymore. Even the friendliest of touch can make her paranoid. Suspicion takes such deep roots in her mind that her every act is dictated by it. Every waking moment shaped by it. She loses that ability to love and be loved because love needs trust. If she feels so un-loved and so unwelcome, how can she ever make herself trust us?

Confidence: can you even begin to imagine the havoc rape plays with a woman’s confidence? It shatters her inside. She begins to falter at every step. The slightest disturbance throws her off-balance. The confident woman who was raped just does not survive. If she does, it takes her months, years to come back. She is dead to the world…and a dead woman has neither the will nor the power to come back to this world.

PTSD: PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Symptoms of PTSD include recurrent memories or flashbacks of the trauma, nightmares, insomnia and/or lack of interest in family, friends or hobbies. They may suffer from depression. They may also suffer from survivor guilt, have overwhelming emotions, and be irritable or jumpy. The victim needs proper therapy to get on with her normal life. Her recovery depends on a variety of factors like family support, economic situation and prior history of abuse. My fellow Indians suffer from an acute lack of knowledge when it comes to these issues. How can they give her what she needs when they are clueless about it?

Medical problems: Forced sex leads to a number of problems like unwanted pregnancy, HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. They not only ruin her life but also serve as constant reminders of the event. Day in and day out she relives the rape. Such flashbacks often result in depression, low self-esteem and lost self-confidence. she might even attempt suicide (higher probability seen in adolescent victims).

 How would you feel if your loved one was made to suffer in such a manner? Surely you will not abandon her…then why do we not look after the other victims? Why do we make their life a living hell? Why do we not understand the problems they face? Can we not stop adding on to their burden?

The reason I wrote such a lengthy post is that I want you to know that rape doesn’t end with the act. It stays with the victim forever. It marks her life, scars it for all her years. A part of her dies when she is violated- the part which taught her how to love and how to live.

As a society we need to support her emotionally, socially and economically. She doesn’t deserve to be looked down upon. She needs a warm embrace…

Honour Dishonoured

RAPE
 For the past seven days I have been struggling with this one word. Never before have I experienced such emotions while researching a topic. I do not know where to begin. Nothing feels right except that perhaps I should let one of the rape victims speak first.

 “I was 20. The first time he raped me I was on my way to church. I was deeply religious then and invited him to join me at church every Sunday. I went over to his apartment which was next door to mine. When I got into his apartment he was in his living room typing some forgotten paper for some forgotten English class. All of his roommates had gone to church and he was the only one there. I said that I was on my way to church and that if he hurried he could go with me. This Sunday, however he seemed upset by something. Maybe it was the class that he was writing the paper for, maybe I was offending him by inviting him to church, I don’t know. All I knew at the time was that he was upset and that I felt the need to make him feel better. I didn’t want to leave him there feeling bad, especially since I would be gone to church for three plus hours. He didn’t like me going to church he said that I was trying to get away from him. I would often come home between classes if I had any time at all so I could see him or more so he could see me. This day he convinced me to skip church and spend the afternoon with him. We sat on his couch talking with some movie on in the background. I was wearing a pink sundress with a cardigan sweater. He started to kiss me and lay next to me on the couch and I was fine with this. He had made-out before and I enjoyed physical affection. By “made-out” I mean kissing and hugging no touching in private areas. He was trying to put his hand up my skirt and I kept telling him no and putting his hand on my back. He was very aware of my boundaries, I laid them out very clearly. But no matter how much I laid down the law he would always test my limits. This day was different he was far more aggressive and I was having a hard time keeping his hands where I was comfortable with them. I finally got up and told him that I was leaving. He promised to be good and I believed him. After I sat back down with him and we started kissing again it happened. He was being aggressive again but this time was different. Usually I could move his hands away and he would let me but this time he wouldn’t let me. After much resistance, he finally had his way with me. Seeing that, I just gave up. I thought “I’m not a virgin anymore what am I fighting for?” I just let him finish. I was so ashamed. It was all my fault. After that I lost all sense of self-worth. He started hitting me and calling me names and controlling my life and I just let him. I remember him saying things like “If you’d just relax and stop fighting it wouldn’t hurt so much” when he was forcing himself on me. I still blame myself and have told no one this story but I had to get it out there. I don’t know why I’m writing this I just know that if this story lived inside me for any longer it was going to destroy me from the inside.”

 I have edited out certain details from this account but you can find the missing words at http://dancinginthedarkness.com/darkbook.php .

 This is but one of the thousands of victim stories. Some cases got media attention while others didn’t. In some cases the victims got justice while in others they just ended their life. In some cases they got help from the society while in others they were condemned by the same society.

 Raping a woman is the ultimate way of violating her. No other punishment is as severe, as disgusting or as personal. If all of us know this, then why does it happen? What can be the possible motive? Is it done for sexual satisfaction? It must be hardly satisfying if your victim is constantly putting up a fight. Is there some kind of ecstasy in hurting a woman like that? Do the perpetrators realize the after-effects of their acts?

 In most of the instances, the victim just goes into denial. She shuts out a part of herself. She runs away from everything which might trigger any memory of her rape. She refuses to believe that it has happened to her. She doesn’t seek help from the society. She just thinks it is her fault. That somehow she asked for it. Rare is the woman who speaks out against it in her first breath. It is not easy reading their stories. Think of how they must have felt when they were subjected to it…

 Yet we live in a society which brushes all such issues under the carpet. What is worse, often the victim is held responsible. Why do we have such an ideology? Who put this crap into our heads? Why can we never empathize with the victim? There are way too many questions, the answers slow in coming. That doesn’t mean we stop looking for them. If we are a society who is proud of its moral values and culture, then we shouldn’t be afraid of critically examining ourselves once in a while. It is time we sat down and took that exam…